My son is one of the new batch of kids who has no formative assessments till P4. Every day is a happy honeymoon time, just enjoying childhood as was back in the old days, simply learning through organic, spontaneous ways, coupled with modern digital world of roblox.
This week, the last week of school for Primary Kids, it’s the time of the year where report cards are given to the pupils and parents. For many, it is one that may make or break another child and parent memory of Growing Up Years.
When my son chucked his report book to me, I found myself looking at each assessment and the assessment criterias. Probably the old self would have got tensed, put on the devil advocate front and used this opportunity to push my agenda across, manipulate and prove to him he needs to work harder to attain the ultimate beautiful best scores.
This time, I was looking at it in a lighter tone, much with curiosity and smile.
The autohabit of the mind was starting to make meanings out of the obscured gradings of Accomplished, Competent, Developing and Beginning. It was already planning on what action to take to upscale those areas which are Beginnings and Developing to become Accomplished. While congratulating self on those which are Accomplished.
This was caught on with a pause. And I recall again… eh.. Whose journey ah. Mine or His? Is this result an ultimate reflection of what he will be in future? Who is there to tell what he will become eventually should I return to pour 200% of my energy, all for him and to mould him into the ideal I want to see? And, then, so what? Pause.
Took a few moments to allow the aligning with parts of myself and I look deeper. I came clean and honest. Not really. Im doing it, rather, for myself actually. To feel good and accomplished in the eyes of others.
If I really want the ideal I want to see, whether academic or character grades or others’ review, it’s holding these invalidations / validations lightly. It’s many parts of subjective puzzle pieces that attempt to represent him.
That won’t affect how I spend my day to day moments with him and how I view him.
More importantly, it’s allowing him to take his path and simply showing him the options available and exploring the unknown ones together. We don’t know what and how it will be like but we can certainly create nurturing, wholesome ones that build up the being.
Taking this step back. It was a beautiful peace. I was feeling lots gratitude for these assessments as the people behind have worked so hard to give this to us. It may not be the best or accurate measure, yet it is good enough data points to move forward. A slow progress and attempt from education towards balance.
Holding lightly with love, I read what it was and listened to what he has to say. Lots secrets came out from him. We had a great teasing conversation!
We came to a conclusion of working on some of these data points at his pace to streamline some things.
Now it is done without force.
I return the ownership back to him.
He is a beautiful gift.
Appreciating and Acknowledging his Presence in my Life.